“I can live without it,” was my immediate thought upon finishing a piece of homemade chocolate cake covered in thick buttercream and filled with oreo crème.
You see, I’ve spent the past month dodging everything that might contain even the slightest amount of dairy. This means no biscuits, no chocolate, no ice cream. I know what you’re thinking. The answer is No, I’m not doing some crazy post-pregnancy crash diet. As it turns out, our newest addition, Patootie Bear can not tolerate dairy. I know instantly if I have accidentally consumed dairy because PB not only screams inconsolably, but also ends up with blood in his stool.
I began to feel tortured, like I was missing out on Every good thing (especially during Christmas!).
I decided on Baby Bear’s birthday I would try a piece of cake, pump off milk for the next couple of feedings, offer a bottle, and then resume breastfeeding no problem. Only…there was a problem. Patootie Boots seems to digest Alimentum formula okay, but he hates a bottle. Hates. Screamy scream scream hates a bottle. So then came the guilt.
Why did I need that cake, or rather why did I feel like I needed it. I suddenly realized feeling deprived was just silly. Food is amazing, but I can live without it, and not miss it. Sure it’s frustrating going to a restaurant and trying to figure out what I can eat, but I can handle it.
What keeps plaguing me, though, is this thought: Why do we have to test things for confirmation? I didn’t realize I don’t need dairy until I had some again. Is it just human nature to need validation? or is it just me?
I think of the theory that “the grass is always greener on the other side.” Why cant we just believe that the grass is just fine where we are?
At this point, I’m trusting that this dairy-free thing is just a phase. But if it’s not, at least I already know, things will be just fine the way they are.
(Metaphorically) My grass will be as green as I perceive it to be. And someday if the grass really is turning yellow or brown it’s either 1) a passing season or 2) I have lawn care to do!
ps…blog writing is incredibly challenging with three kids climbing all over you! 😉